fail_fandomanon

Wait, what?

cool. that was quick


wow, captcha, you suddenly make sense? "among oblivion" eh?

I know it's not a very big deal compared with some things, but I'd like some nail polish recs. I want to paint my nails black and gold to support my sister's college at a basketball game, but I don't know what a good brand to buy would be.

Just remember: base coat. Especially with black, those stains take foreeever to get out.

Okay, so my dad was in an accident and got brain damage. Now he's home from the hospital, getting drunk every night and calling me to talk. I'm the only child around, my grandparents are dead (from alcoholism related illnesses no less) and he's divorced since forever. I have to fix everything and I don't know how to deal, how much I'm supposed to deal, how much responsibility I can possible take and if there is a limit to how much of my life I can pour into this mess.

I don't even know what I want here, perhaps wondering if there is someone else who has dealt with something close to this?

Okay, first of all you don't have to pour your whole life into it. You deserve to have your own life. I don't know what country/area of the country you live in, but you might want to look into something called "respite care". Assuming you live in America, you might want to find out if your dad qualifies for SSI disability and/or a social worker. *hugs*

I have a slide test/identification test/whatever for History of Art next week. There are 140 paintings in the course and I have to memorise the artist, title, date and significant facts about the painting. The lecturer's randomly selecting 25 paintings for us to identify.

I'm already making index cards like a motherfucker, drawing horrible stick figure simplifications of the paintings, chanting the information to myself in my spare time - but is there anything else that might help that I haven't considered?

Mnemonics are good.

Actually, the easiest way to remember something imo is to find a way to care about it. If you can pick some of the paintings out that you really like, then they should come easier to you and at least that's a few you don't have to worry about.

Associating things in groups also helps me. Pick out all the, idk, Impressionist paintings, or all the Madonnas, or something, and compare and contrast within the group.

Good luck on your test!

Last summer I started seeing a new psychiatrist, Dr. A. At first, everything was great; not only did she help me with my medications, she gave me insight into how my bipolar disorder worked. But my last few visits have been with one of her residents (Dr. B) who, well, isn't very good. The last time I came in, I was having trouble with racing thoughts, pressured speech, and was becoming paranoid. After I explained all this to Dr. B, she asked me if I could recognize my own thoughts. I said that I could and she immediately moved on, asking me if I'd had any negative thoughts. When I said yes, she stopped asking me about my mood entirely. On my way out, I looked at my discharge papers and memorized the diagnostic code. It was 296.51: bipolar I, most recent episode mild depression.

This would've been annoying no matter what, but considering that I've had psychotic episodes in the past, which were always preceded by intense paranoia, the fact that Dr. B didn't recognize this was worrying. Especially since I barely see Dr. A at all any more. Would it be unreasonable of me to ask to see Dr. A exclusively, rather than having her pop in at the end of my session to hear a recap from Dr. B and offer medication advice?

It would not be at all unreasonable. You deserve the best care that is to be got. Talk to Dr. A and get that exclusive session!

I want to move from that awkward "we've been on two dinners and a bike ride" phase to, "I want to bone you". What's your strategy, anons? Do you take the subtle route? Hope to develop telepathy? Go for the direct approach?

As a shy person, how should I psych myself up to just tell someone I want sex, anyway?

Be direct. This is a good place to make your intentions clear and if they don't want what you want, it won't hurt so much.

Turns out the class I took to fulfill a core requirement doesn't actually fulfill the core requirement! lolwhoops.

I learned the morning of the midterm, even.

I switched majors this semester. Due to the switch, I have to take an additional enrichment module at some point in time, for some arcane requirement or other.

Thanks to this module, I can choose between scheduling an extra module into my impossible timetable next term, forsaking my Political Science minor because I'll be one module short, taking the extra module during summer break and paying a lot extra, or taking an extra semester just so I can graduate with a Political Science minor.

I've suspected I have ADHD ever since I read a post about ADHD that mentioned that the thing I assumed disqualified me from having it (hyperfocus) is actually a symptom of it. I just can't focus for any length of time on anything unless I hit a point where my attention is entirely focused on what I'm dealing with, and I can never predict what it'll be or if it'll even happen, and it's seriously hurting my ability to get things accomplished. I barely managed through school, but I survived only because I can focus on tests. I can't manage to trigger my focus at all at work, and it's really starting to worry me.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to find a therapist or how to deal or something?

I'm in the UK so I don't know your situation but do you have a family doctor? In England your first step in the process is normally to see your GP and get a referral to a mental health team for an assessment. I'd speak to your doctor and describe your symptoms in the first instance. If you're not happy with that doctor's response, get a second opinion because your mental health is very important.

Is there any way to make college not suck when you have an hour's commute? Because I'm a junior and still haven't figured it out...

Live on campus...?

I'm 25 and I've never been on a date, never been kissed, never had a girl/boyfriend. I've got lot of aquaintences and some close friends (made both on and offline). I'm doing a post-secondary degree and I'm involved in the activities for my particular area. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me or I'm doing something wrong.

I'm 27 and I'm in the same situation. I don't know if I even want that kind of relationship anymore. Am I asexual or just screwed up? Asexual is a perfectly legitimate orientation but at the same time I worry it's just something wrong with me and I'm going to end up with regrets.

Hm, no advice here, but at least there are more than one person who has this problem...

Speaking of pills, anon has just started taking anti-depression meds. I started this past Wednesday, and I'm still rather mixed on the subject. Anyone wanna share stories about how their meds helped them? I don't need promises that this will ~fix everything~. I just wanna hear some good things, get a little optimism going if I can.

My mother had panic disorder. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't work, couldn't leave the house. Checked into the mental hospital on two separate occasions.

She's been panic-free, employed and extremely happy for over a decade on Paxil.

The drugs do work.

Is it still considered bad if you think about killing yourself all the time but don't intend to follow through with it? I find the idea of shooting myself or jumping off a bridge very comforting, but I'd never actually follow through with them.

It's not so much thinking about it that people hate, it's threatening the world you'll do something drastic for the purpose of attention or to get your way.

I've been unemployed for several months now. I try to put out 3-5 resumes/applications a day (excluding weekends), and even with seasonal coming up, I still haven't gotten anything.

Who else is in this boat? Is there anything to be done? My state has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, and that is not a comforting thought.

Do you use craigslist?

I'm a virgin who can't drive.

The "can't drive" part worries me more, frankly. I tried to learn when I was in high school, but a combination of bad teachers and anxiety issues made me give up. I feel like I should learn, but honestly, I don't want to and the thought of it makes me nervous to the point of tears. Is it necessary to drive? I'm in the suburbs right now so it's not impossible not to drive, but fairly inconvenient.

It seems like I'm limiting my independence a lot, but I also have the worst fears about driving. I have lots of problems doing manual tasks and mix up left and right often, so my confidence is really shaken in my ability to drive safely.

Hi, Clueless fan!

I can't drive either. I live in London so there's really no point trying to learn. If I move into the suburbs I probably will, but I can get everywhere in London on public transport and everywhere outside London on the train. If you live in the sticks, it's hard to get by without a car, but the suburbs? I don't think it's necessary, anon. My mother can't drive and she lives in a village with one bus an hour to the nearest town. It's never bothered her. Learn to drive if you want to, not because you think you need to.

So I realized that in fiction, I have a kink for a certain pairing type. It's May/December in which the older person is this very dominant, powerful and sometimes manipulative figure, while the younger person isn't a total pushover, but they're nevertheless under the older person's control, whether they're aware of it or not, and the relationship can be either consensual or non-consensual. The more paternal the older person the better. The older person is pretty much always a man, and the younger person is either a young man or a woman.

Now here's the kicker: I'm a lesbian. I have zero interest in dating men in real life and I don't have any ambitions about being some sugar daddy's pet. Why am I so drawn to this dynamic? Unresolved daddy issues?

I think you might use other genders in your fantasies to work out issues you deep down don't want to admit you have. To get some distance from it. This lesbian kind of does that with her kink for non-con yaoi.

*double- and triple-checks anon comment options*

TMI alert: I'm a cis-gendered straight woman in her (very) late 20s who doesn't identify as asexual, and in fact I'd love to have sex one day. Unfortunately the few times I've been in intimate situations with guys I've not only failed to become aroused, I also completely freaked out. The "lie back and think of England" approach doesn't really work as I've mental health issues with, among other things, severe anxiety. Masturbation does absolutely nothing for me as well. The few times I have managed to become a little aroused was when reading fic, but it lasted no longer than a minute.

Anyone got any advice or similar experience? None of my psychiatrists ever cared much about the whole sex issue and the therapist doesn't know of any approaches either.

You are hardly alone, anon. In my last relationship, the first time he kissed me, I left his house in a panic. He later asked if I was raped, which I hadn't been. It all ended a few months later when I realized that he (first of all, was of the wrong gender) and I could never have real, satisfying sex. In fact, while I do think about sex A LOT, I have never gotten more than mildly aroused. Orgasm? Never.

Self-esteem plays a large part of it for me. I'm so worried that I'll fail to live up to standards that it's impossible for me to just sit back and enjoy. It sounds like you may share the same anxieties. I wish I had an answer. I've been told by other people who have been in our situation that it might help to find a partner willing to work through those issues, even if it's not a romantic relationship. I'm not ready to fool around casually just yet, so in the mean time I try to focus on other aspects of life, seeking fulfillment and confidence from those successes so hopefully I'll come around. If not, well.

Oh god I hope I got this anon thing right.

In your country, is it strange to want to remain a virgin until marriage? What connotations does this have, and what would you assume about people who make this decision?

I live in South-East Asia and when I mention this to people (I am in a relationship) they still look at me like I have suddenly revealed I come from the land of the prudes. Is it seriously this rare? Do I just know people with active sex drives?

Where I am it depends on the family (western Canada.) However, most seem to sex it up before marriage and my own mom thinks waiting is weird. She thus thinks I am a prude for not wanting to get out there.

For me, it's the thought of never being able to read a book, watch a movie or listen to music again. Also, I know it would really fuck my family up and since all of them are really depressed as is I'm scared one or more of them would end up killing themselves, too. Plus, if I survived, it would be really embarrassing and awkward and, if I succeeded, my obituary would be really pathetic.

The fact that I'm going to die some day, anyway, and then I won't be able to go back. And my life will seem really short in retrospect (just as past time always do), it would be stupid to make it even shorter on purpose. Death will last forever (well, as far as I know).

This came up in the driving thread and made me wonder. I have this problem too, and I was surprised to see how many other people in the thread said the same thing. And don't even get me started on east/west.

"Turn right... no, the other right!"

As in, I mix up right and left constantly, much to my family's amusement and my driving instructor's horror.

I live in a condo, next to a deplorable person. At late hours of the night, he turns his bass up really, really loud (so that it bleeds through the walls), and it seems there's nothing we can do about it. The laws are screwed up so that he's only breaking the law if he keeps playing it at 11:00 PM to, I think, 6:00 AM, and when we've tried to file a noise complaint during these hours, we've only gotten someone to actually help once. Most of the time, there's no one there, and who would be? It's late-night, and nobody WANTS to be up then.

He's also a drug dealer, which you think would get him arrested eventually, right? But we live in a country where the police are apathetic towards small drug crimes, so we can't get him out on these grounds. We can't go and ask him to turn his music down, because he's uncooperative and assholish.

Any other suggestions as to things we can do? And if not, stories of commiseration?

Oh shit, this sounds like my friend's situation right before she moved. The house next to hers was dealing (out of an ice cream truck on the street) and stripping cars in their garage. I don't know the laws in your area, all my friend could do was call and report suspicious behavior over and over again (but in the part of town she was in, the cops just did not give a shit so she moved).

If you had a theme song when you walked in the room, what would it be?

Shooter - Life's a Bitch
(...I probably wouldn't get the job.)

Every year for the past six or seven years, I've exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts with three friends from college. It was fun the first couple times, but it long ago became a real drag. I was trying to figure out the best way to word a group e-mail asking if we could get by with cards from now on, but the other day one of them posted on her LJ about how she'd been doing Christmas shopping and how one of us was going to be pleased, and DAMMIT, I was too late. >.<

I also generally exchange cards with as many people on my flist as want to, and I'm not really feeling that this year either.

Yeah, I'll be over here with the Grinch if anyone needs me.

SA

Also, it is too fucking early for Christmas music, stores.

Hey, Serbian and Croatian anons, what's it like there? How are tourists treated, specifically?
How well would a Canadian with Serbian parents who can understand and read the language but can barely speak and write it be treated? I know English, as well.

*My parents understand Serbian perfectly. I'm the one who can only understand and read it.

I've got such a girlcrush on Katharine Hepburn.

What's the best thing you've done for your mental health lately?

Take meds.